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May 20, 2008
stranger danger
My Lizzie is very friendly, almost too friendly. If you've been at the park with us you will have probably witnessed her striking up a conversation with other parents at the park. Or she'll just awkwardly stand by another family until they engage her in conversation or their child goes to play with her. I vainly find these moments sort of embarrassing, especially when the family starts to eat their lunch or has snacks and she continues to be in their space and stare. At this point I usually call her away and encourage her to go play.
So this past Monday was no different. After about an hour of hanging out at the park I notice that Lizzie is hanging out on a bench across the park with a grandmother who had brought her granddaughter to play. Is the granddaughter there visiting as well, nope, just my daughter and this lady. She would leave and play a little bit and then come back and visit so I finally called her over. I asked her what she was chatting about and she said that the lady had given her a piece of ice. I said, WHAT!?!?!? Why in the world did she give you ice and Lizzie told me it was because she said she was thirsty. Needless to say she sat on the bench in time out with me for a bit. I sternly told her that we DO NOT take food or anything to drink from people we don't know and from now on she wasn't to talk to people unless mommy was talking to them or unless we knew them. Not to even mention my frustration that my daughter probably dropped some not so subtle hints to this lady about how yummy her water looked!
I've talked to a few moms since this incident who have confirmed that no this was not ok! Andy doesn't see it as a big deal but I do. He thought it was pretty harmless, even with my comments that it could have been vodka on the rocks. LOL
So its brought on lots of thoughts of how to set boundaries with Lizzie. I have to be honest, I am usually more self conscious than anything when she is talking to other parents but I have to say that her feeling free to talk to strange men makes me the most uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable even typing that since its jumping to conclusions about people, but isn't that my job as a mom of THREE GIRLS!
When do I tell my kids that there are some people in the world who aren't so nice and might want to take you from your parents. I'm afraid it would freak her out. I realize its hard to ask for feedback on a topic like this one since each child has a different personality and can handle different things but I would love to hear what other moms have done.
My sister recommended a book which I read some of online and freaked me out.
I also found a berenstain bears book which seems like it might be age appropriate but I'm not sure if I should get it and treat it like a casual topic or if we should have a talk and then read it.
So by now if you think that I am way over thinking this then you are probably right. But with Lizzie if I give her too much info she will obsess about it and I don't want her to be overly fearful, but I do think this topic of dangerous strangers needs to be introduced and I'm not sure how to do it. Any ideas???
| By JennR | 09:19 PM
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Comments
I'm already having those thoughts & concerns since Mandy is so friendly to strangers. I look forward to learning from your experience!
Posted by: Lisa at May 21, 2008 07:06 AM
I"m with ya. I think you're doing the appropriate things, reacting and researching. Josiah loves talking to anyone that happens to stroll by our house or sit under the pavillion at our park. It's kinda sketchy because half the folks that sit at our parks are vagrants! It was even more nerve wracking at church of all places since we had a meal for the homeless and the kids ran wild. I was constantly counting heads! Not just mine but everyone. Way too many hidey holes in our building.
I don't think telling her about the dangers is a bad thing. Make sure Andy's on board with it too, I guess. I've said that same thing, "unless mama is talking to them, or we know them do not talk to them" Josiah has a strange sense about some people and has actually barked at little old ladies at ALDI saying,"don't you look at MY sister!!" We actually have rules at the grocery store about 'no growling' and 'no attacking' people. But I've laid it out: some people might hurt you, so never go off with anyone, and stay next to Mama!
Posted by: katiek at May 21, 2008 08:10 AM
something similar happened to me on saturday, we were downtown with Rehema and Henry and this man, a stranger told Rehema to come to him, he was sitted, and Rehema started going and I just found myself shouting at her NO, I got a very funny scary feeling after that, I think in my head I did not think she would go to someone she does not know. I told her not to do that again but she did not seem to understand...very scary/ I think it is okay to talk to her about not talking to strangers
Posted by: grace at May 21, 2008 12:10 PM
My Abbie is the exact same way...will absolutely talk to anyone. She has no stranger anxiety whatsoever. I ran into a co-worker at Walmart yesterday, and after we were done chatting, Abbie insisted on giving her a hug and kiss. She says hi to almost everyone she passes, and is always waving at people. One day at the grocery store, she ran off around a corner where I couldn't see her, and I freaked! I was at the service counter, and I left my wallet and everything to go after her. I have told her that there are people that would take her away from Mommy and Daddy, and she needed to stay right with us and not run off. She needs constant reminders, but I have talked to her briefly about it. She's only three, so I didn't go into any detail, I just said that they would take her away from us. I might take a look at that Bernstein Bears book...thanks for the link. Good Luck!
Posted by: Tracy at May 21, 2008 07:12 PM