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August 7, 2006
Pull between anxiety and faith
For about the last month my mom has been going through some testing on a mass in her abdomen which ended last week with major surgery. Praise the Lord all the tests came back benign and we are now on the upswing. I spent all of last week with her in the hospital and getting her settled at home and when I left she was really doing well. The first part of the week though was pretty aweful. She struggled a lot with nausea and getting sick and it was a bit of a surprise to her how difficult the recovery was.
This whole process to me was very telling of my own struggles. So often I would ask others to pray and I would have thoughts of praying and reading scripture without actually following through with it. What a control freak! I kept asking myself if I really believed that God would take care of her and sometimes the answer was no. It was hard for me to let go of the anxiety but I tried to continue to turn it over to Him.
The week got a little more complicated when my step-grandfather was admitted the same day as my Mom's surgery due to difficulty breathing. He has cancer in his chest and in his throat. So he was on the 4th floor and my Mom was on the 2nd floor- it certainly was an exciting time in Oak Ridge. He is now home as well after a week in the hospital and has hospice care.
The week was so draining physically and emotionally and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else (well maybe on the beach laying out with my Mom). It's during those intense times that we get to see different sides of ourselves. Sometimes it isn't what we want to see but its all a process of purification and not perfection.
We have so much to be thankful for and I am so glad for my Mom's health and for God's continued faithfulness. And so glad last week is now behind us.
| By JennR | 9:52 AM
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