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June 17, 2008
She called me out!
Yesterday was a typical Monday, I was tired the girls were whiny from a long weekend and we were butting heads. We were nearing 5:30, the arrival of daddy, preparation of dinner, and quite possibly the toughest time of day and Lizzie said something to me and I sighed and said "you girls are really frustrating me today". To which she responded, "why, you're the one with the bad attitude!" She was dead serious and I was shocked. My almost 5 yr old sounded like a smart mouth 15 yr old. I was angry, scared of her future adolescence and a bit humbled. She was immediately sent to her room where she awaited a talk with her dad who was on his way home. I was so angry but not quite sure if I was more angry at myself or at her. While I truly believe she was wrong in her tone and disrespect, she was also right in what she said.
I thought about it a lot last night and today. Lizzie continues to be such a reflection to me of my attitude as a parent. Tonight I realized what a wonderful thing that was. It can be completely annoying and aggravating but the alternative would be worse. If I only had Julia I could very well coast by for the most part. She doesn't challenge me to the depths like Lizzie does. Sure she throws her fits and still struggles with potty training, but she rarely challenges my character. I think its because Lizzie and I are very much a like and it often comes down to a struggle of control.
Lizzie is my accountability to be on my A game as a parent and I certainly can't do that on my own. It's a great reminder of my reliance on God to be able to be an example to these girls. How humbling is that, an example. I once heard a speaker say that parenting was about 3 things- modeling, teaching and holding accountable.
That same speaker also said- rules w/o relationship = rebellion and relationship w/o rules= permissiveness and self-centeredness.
With Lizzie I definitely have to balance rules and restrictions with maintaining a good relationship with her and more importantly investing my time with her. In all honesty this is sometimes challenging for me. But it continues to be reiterated over and over to me, what I'm called to do as her mom.
I'm so thankful to have a child that will help to refine me as a parent. I know that won't always be my attitude and this will be something we'll keep working as long as we're mother and daughter but its nice to have a bit of clarity in the midst of the everyday muck.
| By JennR | 9:31 PM
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Comments
Thanks so much for this entry. That rules plus relationship bit is just what I needed to hear this morning. I can tend to swing from one extreme to another instead of finding that balance. But focusing on building a relationship with my kids makes so much sense. That has to include rules, and love and fun time etc. This may seem so obvious, but its something that I needed to hear right now. So thanks for posting!
Posted by: michellew at June 18, 2008 7:34 AM
Life should always have a slice of humility my darling. It reminds us how much God really cares!
Posted by: Nann at June 18, 2008 3:02 PM
I was thinking I was so hilarious one day when I had my mom doubled over with laughter...and then I remembered that I got my sense of humor from her. I am much more like her than any of my siblings. I'm within in months of turning 30, and, partially because we live together, my mom and I butt heads, sometimes more than others. She definitely still refines me; I only hope that I do the same for her!
Posted by: martha at June 19, 2008 3:34 PM